If your ex is single and all their friends are dating, they may go through periods of loneliness where they desperately need to speak to someone. But if your ex keeps messaging you afterward and shows a lot of interest in you in one way or another, then your ex probably wants to be friends or is gathering the courage to ask you out again. Have you ever considered getting back with your ex? It means that you must wait for your ex to verbalize or show what he or she wants. A few months after his phone call, my family moved again, this time to the other side of the country. I think you did the right thing. But just because it's possible, it doesn't mean that it will happen on your terms. If you have a partner, think of them as well. I'd be more likely to reach out to his wife and apologize for not seeing sooner how hurt she was, and that I was being selfish (I was, entirely). By the looks of it, you dont have a lot of respect for her, so you want to keep moving on without her. I felt that she was just trying to ease her guilt rather than anything else, and it wasnt my job to do that. Apparently he had heard a rumor that I had found out I was pregnant after we broke up and had aborted the baby. I had my ex reached out after 2 years of no contact after cheating on me and treating me poorly during the relationship. If your only reason to respond to the text is to get that closure, its better to leave the text on seen. Long time. I've been honestly tempted since reevaluating everything about the last ten years of my life. Keep up with Elizabeth on Twitter and attracttheone.com. Here are five things to do when your ex reaches out after years. 10 Reasons Why Girls Want To Stay Friends After a Breakup, 8 Subtle Ways Guys Hint They Like You Without Saying It, 22 Painful Signs Hes Not Into You (Anymore), What To Do When An Ex Reaches Out After Years, Is It Common For Exes To Get Back Together Years Later. And if they dont like what they see, they will start missing you. Your ex didnt treat you very well when you were together, and to top it off, they dumped you and never looked back. Anyway I replied nicely and she was surprised I wanted to even speak to her. You and your ex may not be friends on social media, but theyve managed to gain access to your page, and they know all about the wonderful life youre living without them. Im guessing shes trying to do something to clear her conscience. Here are 7 reasons your ex might pop up months (or even years!) Make sure you remain honest if you decide to speak. He asked me if I would give him the opportunity to say them to me. Bonobology.com is the couple-relationship destination for Indians everywhere! Is there any ulterior motive? I could tell knowing the truth was a huge weight off his mind. Say, you have been applying the no-contact rule after the breakup, be it a mutual decision or one-sided. As you say, it was likely just an attempt to ease her guilt. Just a comment on the "closure" part of Your post: no you don't. It's always best to think your course of action through first, and that includes whether you want to even respond. I had blocked her and all her family on social media so no one could know what I was up to and I could just disappear. Your obligation toward your ex has ended, and it is alright to think of yourself first. Whatever the bad news, your ex thought youd want to know about it. The bottom line is that if youre thinking about starting the relationship again, you must think about it carefully. I had an ex reaching out to me after 4 years, he left me for someone else but never owned up to it after the breakup, but I knew and so did many of our friends. Last Updated on October 11, 2022 by Alexander Burgemeester. You broke up because an argument went too far, but they want to see whether you can pick up where you left off. My ex was the dumper and sent an e-mail after 4+ years of no contact. That way, even if you break up with your partner and get back together with your ex, at least you gave them a heads-up. Do exes come back after leaving for someone else? reg-o-matic 5 yr. ago After close to 20 years, my ex wife reached out to apologize. Although your ex could want you back, its much more likely that he or she will just want to find out how you feel about him/her and try to learn what youve been up to. Its like comfort foodmac-and-cheese may not be haute cuisine and it may not reflect what our normal menu offers, but it brings back images of childhood and safety and security. I saw them looking around. Youll wonder if your ex wants to talk about random things or discuss something important. In fairness, you were in your teens when you got together, and they were clueless about relationships. An ex suddenly reaching out after they broke up with you can be very confusing. More often than not, they just want to catch up and be friends. Just take your time. If you still have feelings for this ex, and are considering the prospect of getting back together, dont just jump into it. In such situations, it is important to understand that the ex is texting when the ex feels like it. 12 Things To Remember When You Run Into Your Ex, 7 Unspoken Boundaries For Being Friends With An Ex. I didnt reply. I'd like to apologize to him because he didn't deserve that. Its strange to call your ex to find out if they think the same as them, but it happens because you still feel connected to your ex. They know they could never have given you the life you have now. You are about to put a lot at stake here. Consider whether your ex is entitled to this kind of work from you. Or maybe you both ended things mutually and somehow stayed out of touch for years. PostedMay 1, 2020 And think of yourself first. I cant say for sure, but its time for you to move forward from this person. Its been several years since you broke up with your ex, and theyve assumed youve got over what happened. Perhaps it was a two-week fling, a mutual breakup, or an old partner who ghosted you once and has resurfaced for closure. This is particularly common with exes who feel stifled in the relationship, and as though they were missing out on something else by being with you. You slipped back into a temporary depression, but this wont last long. Ive written about the signs that your ex secretly wants you back and what really happens when they do but Ive neglected a little fuzzy grey area. My ex messaged me after a year. Curiosity mainly. Theres no doubt you had mind-blowing sex with your ex, but that was all there was to the relationship. I know it can feel tempting to converse with your ex and convince your ex youve changed, matured, and become a better version of yourself, but thats not why exes reach out after years. Go away. My ex contacted me after about 3 years of no contact. You must keep in mind that your ex (the dumper) decides what kind of a relationship is possible. Your ex probably felt apprehensive about contacting you after so many years, but because your ex was curious about you or needed a favor or something else from you, he or she contacted you anyway. This goes double if you had a true friendship at the center of your bond. I'm glad we spoke, given how messily and immaturely things had ended. She has grown up and matured a lot in this time, as have I. A really long time and the fact she is reaching out shows something is happening there. Turns out she was in a 12 step program and got to the step where she was supposed to make up with those she'd done wrong in the past. If the dumper realizes your worth, he or she could learn to respect you again and make you into the most valuable person in his or her life. Its okay if your ex doesnt contact you, Linda. How have you been?, dont conclude that the nasty text they sent to you while breaking up meant nothing, and that they want to get back together. It will only convey the message that you are still miserably hung up on them. A sapiosexual, pizza-loving cinephile. After a few weeks of talking, take the plunge and suggest the two of you meet face-to-face. So, depending on that, choose if you want to keep any contact with your ex. Invite them to join you for a drink to catch up, or suggest the two of you grab a coffee sometimes. His or her inquiries, requests, or demands, as well as the approach and attitude your ex chooses will soon reveal why your ex contacted you after so many years. Different people have different norms around contact and friendship over time and after a relationship ends. 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The 2 Most Psychologically Incisive Films of 2022, The Surprising Role of Empathy in Traumatic Bonding, How a Stronger Body Can Transform Your Identity, Two Questions to Help You Spot a Clingy Partner-to-Be. Often, urges to contact an ex may come up at the end of an unhealthy relationship and not for healthy ones. Will things be better now? The best way to handle this is by understanding the fact that sometimes a text is just a text, says Jaseena. This is a possibility if you ended the relationship on good terms. No one says you need to entertain them. Theyve heard youre single and so have decided to try their luck and see if youll agree to go for a drink. You can either become your exs friend, an acquaintance who talks to an ex once in a while, or you can ask your ex not to reach out and keep moving on. I get why you feel the need to give this person closure, but please know: that's not your responsibility. I got a message on Linkedin today andI'm so confused (the message said I came up in their feed I don't even know how that's possible we live in opposite side of the world, work in different industries and don't share contacts)? I had an ex find me 12 years after we broke up and reached out to me. Does your ex normally ghost you for many months and then re-establish contact like its the good old days? Ah, ex sex. Youre married with beautiful children, successful, and go on the most amazing vacations. So, I am trying to find someone to talk to, who will be unbiased toward my situation. So, before you slam a sarcastic emoji in their face, grab a tea or a book. He tried to hint that he was looking for an affair and then I blocked him. You're finally feeling like yourself again and putting yourself back out there, when, like clockwork, your ex reaches out to you. If you have seen this behavior before from your ex, dont dive in headfirst. Takeaway I think that she would really appreciate hearing that and she deserves it. We welcome the Reddit community to elicit opinions on a variety of matters from our community of women ages 30 and up. They were also more likely . Instant replies hint at either interest or an unfulfilling life and even if both might be true, dont let your ex pick up on that. If your ex wants something from you, your ex will directly or indirectly point it out. | A closure response. So they come back, tail between their legs, ready to renegotiate their bond with you. Several reasons exes may contact you are below. Even if you do respond, make sure you can do so in an indifferent manner, says Jaseena. Dont reach out with specific expectations about an old friends responsereach out because you would like to hear their voice again and check in, and nothing more. We dated about 8 years ago and he reached out around the 5 year mark. If you were in an abusive relationship, the best thing to do when your ex reaches out is not to respond. Before you start having two-hour-long conversations with your ex after midnight, think about how your current partner will feel. No but an ex reached out to me after 15 years to commiserate because hes stuck in a bad marriage and a bald, portly man now. Closure is not something you can give someone or receive from someone. There is really no reasonlet sleeping dogs lie. What do you intend to do now that your ex contacted you? I think it is best I keep my distance to avoid stirring the pot. These details seem very random, especially when she would send me this out of the blue after so long. It's when an ex reaches out just to get something from you and then disappears. When you receive a text or call from an ex years after the breakup, the very first thing you must do is learn why your ex reached out to you. The good thing about it is that you get to decide whether you want her in your life or not. You dont owe anyone an explanation for not responding. Im not sure if Im doing the right thing. The X-Men timeline desperately needed to sync up at one point, and 2014's "X-Men: Days of Future Past" was the vehicle that helped mash together the multiple versions of "X-Men" history. Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text "START" to 88788. Weirdly, whether we like it or not, exes do this all the time and its important not to automatically decide that your ex wants you back. In todays article, well discuss why an ex would contact you years after the breakup and how to respond to specific reach outs. The bitterness, anger, and disappointment buried deep down may rear their ugly heads when this text lights up your screen. And that I kind of think he shouldn't have stayed married if he wanted to pursue polyamory, because of what it did to his wife? Youll set your own pace and see if your ex agrees. Somepossible reasonsfor rekindling the relationship include regretting the break-up, the ex is a better partner, and they were soul mates. Theres also a chance that your partner has asked what youd do if your ex resurfaced. You DO NOT have to maintain a protocol, thinking that itll be too rude to not reply. ETA: He's the one who dumped me. Exes reach out for a lot of reasons, and wanting a relationship again might be one of them.